Episode Six: The Fleas and Pets Newsletter
The call came at 4 am. Zack O’Rourke answered immediately. His staff joked that he never slept, but it was a little less humorous when he had them up all night researching. Leaning back in his chair, his size fourteens on his immaculate desk, he growled, “Katy, what you got?”
Research assistant Katy Muldoon said excitedly, “Boss, you’re never going to believe this.”
“Try me.”
Muldoon took a deep breath. “Mike Minor’s paper refers to Bob Hanratty, the guy who supposedly warned Bishop Daniel about the pro-gay signatories, as a columnist.”
“Right.” O’Rourke took his big feet off the desk and stood up. “Yeah, I read it, so that’s what I called Hanratty on-air when I asked Bishop Daniel about him. What, Katy? He’s not a columnist somewhere? Don’t keep me hanging.”
Katy Muldoon, twenty three years old and as adrenaline-driven as her famous boss, forced herself to calm down. “Well, I guess you could call him that. He has been printed twice in Fleas and Pets–
“In what?”
Muldoon knew better than to laugh. Unless, of course, her boss laughed first. Which wasn’t likely. “Fleas and Pets is published four times a year. It’s a newsletter, boss. It currently has eightysix subscribers…”
Muldoon stopped and waited for O’Rourke to finish swearing.
Mike Minor wouldn’t pull something like this, would he? O’Rourke walked over and glanced out the window. From his townhouse he could see the lights around Central Park. “Have you actually communicated with this Hanratty guy?”
“Yes, Boss. In several emails.”
“Did he actually contact Bishop Daniel?”
Katy Muldoon took a quick gulp of her espresso, and reached for her notes. “He definitely tried to contact him. Hanratty is an interesting–”
“Get me his phone number. I want to talk to him myself.”
Zack O’Rourke whistled, and his bulldog stirred from his sleep. The canine slowly got up, and made his stiff-legged way to his master. O’Rourke had three dogs, and his million-dollar townhouse had already been flea-bombed twice this year.
“I’m also going to need Mike Minor’s phone number. I knew something was not quite right when Bishop Daniel and Mike Minor were on yesterday.”
Reaching down to pet the massive Theodore, who was now scratching himself, he said, “And Katy, you might as well email me those Fleas and Pets newletters.”
To be continued…
Episodes of Attack of the Evange-hellicals:
1. How to silence the black Bishop: HERE
2. The Bishop and the televised lie: HERE
3. C.R.O.C.-o-matic: HERE
4. Declaration of Courtesy: HERE
Announcement: Evange-hellicals Anonymous help available: HERE
5. The LORD is a man of war (Exodus 15:3): HERE
Newsbreak: Unhappy Evange-hellicals Anonymous member speaks out: HERE
6. The Fleas and Pets Newsletter: HERE
7. Enough with the propaganda points: HERE
Intermission: Popcorn half price for evangelicals: SNACKS
8. Espresso with the Just Jesus Christian: HERE
9. Nothing he could say: HERE
Advertisement: Universalist “Big Tent” Toy Set For The Kids! HERE
10. Episco-contemplatives: HERE
10.5 Jenni Botswana knows the Lion HERE
11. What is happening HERE
12. Howls and Lamentations HERE
13. Unholy Times and an Unholy People: HERE
14. Jenni Botswana, Early Bird: HERE
15. The evangelist and the rotting fruit: HERE
15.5 Fleas and Heretics HERE
Evange-Smellicals Perfume Commercial: SNIFF
16. Gay Activist and the Puritan Preacher: HERE
17. HELL’S BELLS: HERE
18. Homo-Universalism: HERE
19. Evange-hellicals and People of the Book: HERE
Infomercial: Evange-hellicals Bible sells out first day: HERE
20. Gomer Joe’s Bar: HERE
21. Return of the Anti-Flea Sauce HERE
22. Hanratty praying, the enemy preying: HERE
Announcement: Talking Evange-tellicals in our lobby! HERE
23. “What, you’re a reformed lesbian?” HERE
24. This thing that is upon us: HERE
25. What a beautiful girl: HERE
26. Better to struggle than burn: HERE
27. The Street Preacher HERE
28: Epilogue: Rifles and Parade: HERE
copyright 2010 John Lanagan (This is a fictional story and all the characters are fictitious.)
Wish I had that problem…
Thank you. I really appreciate that. I am trying to finish this thing because I may be writing a book, but this just won’t wrap itself up…
I’m just waiting for this to be bound, published and distributed that I may curl up with a nice cup o’ tea and enjoy this great work from cover to cover!
On the other hand, I guess that’ll be too long to wait…suppose I’d better pop in another ink cartridge & ream of paper instead…