Episode Nine: Nothing he could say
Zack O’Rourke watched as his favorite dog, Joe Rover, scratched himself. O’Rourke sighed. Fleas again.
He picked up his channel changer and flipped on his show. Mike Minor had maybe pulled a fast one in claiming this Bob Hanratty guy was a columnist. The picture came on and O’Rourke watched himself sternly order gay activist Mike Minor to read the first paragraph of the Declaration of Courtesy.
Mike Minor’s smooth voice spilled from the television, filling O’Rourke’s townhouse office.
“Being Christian ministers, pastors, and leading members of the faith, we join in a Declaration of Courtesy, and place this before the nation. The Body of Christ can provide this example in hopes that such courtesy will spur all of us on. We frequently have division over political issues but we have the unity that defines the Body of Christ.”
Zack O’Rourke watched himself on his 52″ screen as he held up his hand. “Okay, Mike Minor, stop right there. Now that is obviously for Christians.”
“Right.” Mike Minor nodded in agreement.
To the left of Mike Minor, Bishop Lionel Daniel said nothing. He was a black man, but O’Rourke thought he seemed almost a shade of gray. Understandable. Bishop Daniel had signed this declaration that included numerous heretics and gay agenda supporters. His signature could be seen as an admission that he considered these people as members of the Body of Christ.
Which was exactly what Mike Minor had been hammering home. “Zack, the declaration begins with Scripture about the unity of God’s people. Of course it is for Christians. All paths have Christ’s blessing, isn’t that obvious?”
“Okay, Mike Minor and Bishop Daniel, we’re running out of time here. Further down the declaration even says, and I quote, ‘…we vow not to question one another’s faith.’”
“Right again,” replied Mike Minor, perhaps a little more smugly than intended.
Zack O’Rourke’s bushy eyebrows knitted together. “Bishop Daniel, what is going on here? You say you didn’t know all these folks would be on the list when you signed it. But that was two months ago. Why haven’t you taken your name off by now? And what about this columnist guy, this Bob Hanratty? Were you informed weeks ago about the nature of some of these signatories?”
Mike Minor stood up. “Zack, here are copies of emails from Bob Hanratty to Bishop Daniel. Here are two replies, one from Bishop Daniel’s executive assistant, Jeretta Thompson. And here–” the gay activist didn’t even try to keep the triumph from his voice–”is an email from the Bishop himself, thanking Hanratty for informing him.”
“Bishop? Bishop Daniel, a response please?” O’Rourke pointed to his watch. “We’re running out of time here.”
Bishop Daniel said nothing. There was nothing he could say.
To be continued…
Episodes of Attack of the Evange-hellicals:
1. How to silence the black Bishop: HERE
2. The Bishop and the televised lie: HERE
3. C.R.O.C.-o-matic: HERE
4. Declaration of Courtesy: HERE
Announcement: Evange-hellicals Anonymous help available: HERE
5. The LORD is a man of war (Exodus 15:3): HERE
Newsbreak: Unhappy Evange-hellicals Anonymous member speaks out: HERE
6. The Fleas and Pets Newsletter: HERE
7. Enough with the propaganda points: HERE
Intermission: Popcorn half price for evangelicals: SNACKS
8. Espresso with the Just Jesus Christian: HERE
9. Nothing he could say: HERE
Advertisement: Universalist “Big Tent” Toy Set For The Kids! HERE
10. Episco-contemplatives: HERE
10.5 Jenni Botswana knows the Lion HERE
11. What is happening HERE
12. Howls and Lamentations HERE
13. Unholy Times and an Unholy People: HERE
14. Jenni Botswana, Early Bird: HERE
15. The evangelist and the rotting fruit: HERE
15.5 Fleas and Heretics HERE
Evange-Smellicals Perfume Commercial: SNIFF
16. Gay Activist and the Puritan Preacher: HERE
17. HELL’S BELLS: HERE
18. Homo-Universalism: HERE
19. Evange-hellicals and People of the Book: HERE
Infomercial: Evange-hellicals Bible sells out first day: HERE
20. Gomer Joe’s Bar: HERE
21. Return of the Anti-Flea Sauce HERE
22. Hanratty praying, the enemy preying: HERE
Announcement: Talking Evange-tellicals in our lobby! HERE
23. “What, you’re a reformed lesbian?” HERE
24. This thing that is upon us: HERE
25. What a beautiful girl: HERE
26. Better to struggle than burn: HERE
27. The Street Preacher HERE
28: Epilogue: Rifles and Parade: HERE
copyright 2010 John Langan
(This is a work of fiction. All characters are fictitious.)
