Episode Fifteen: The evangelist and rotting fruit
The evangelist was tired. He’d sipped bourbon with gay activist Mike Minor last night; and espresso with Wally Trueblood, co-founder of the progressive Christian group, early this morning. The evangelist’s organization had just announced the big push for legalizing the millions of aliens who already lived here. And now, finally, he’d finished his meeting with several key people about the sacredness of Creation.
Already Bishop Lionel Daniel’s debacle on Zack O’Rourke’s top-rated WOLF Television Network show was a hot topic on talk shows and in news columns. It was exciting. The country really seemed receptive to the Big Tent understanding of Christianity.
Bible fundamentalists and other homophobes would soon be a thing of the past. All paths to God would be celebrated. The evangelist sat on the plush carpet in his living room. He stilled his mind, emptied it of thoughts, and entered the Silence.
In New York City, Zack O’Rourke was far from silent. “What do you mean?” he yelled into his phone.
“Zack, no one knows where Mike Minor is. There was nothing to film, just the two Episco-contemplatives sitting there waiting with the rest of us.”
“Then why,” roared O’Rourke, “does this little tiny Christian Newspaper have the exclusive?” O’Rourke stared distastefully at his computer screen. “And who is this reporter? This Jenni Butlu–Bulutl–”
“She’s called Jenni Botswana here in D.C., because nobody can pronounce her name. She’s the reporter who got the exclusive on the oil spill, remember?”
O’Rourke grimaced. “Okay. Now I know who you’re talking about. But why”–and now he was yelling again–”do I pay to have a crew in D.C., when some African with an accent gets the scoop?”
O’Rourke was surprised, and somewhat impressed, when his D.C. reporter began yelling back at him. “She only has an accent when she wants to. And she speaks three or four languages. This is a competitive journalist, Zack.”
“Okay. Fine. Go find Mike Minor.”
“I’m not fired?”
O’Rourke looked at his watch. “No. Not yet. But it’s only noon.” He hung up his old style rotary phone, and got his assistant on his cell. “Katy, get ahold of Jenni Butul–Bututl–”
“Jenni Botswana?”
“You know who she is?”
Katy Muldoon hadn’t slept in almost two days, not that this was unusual for an employee of Zack O’Rourke’s. She said blearily, “I do now. I just read her exclusive online. And Boss, I have a phone number for Bob Hanratty, finally.”
“Give me Hanratty’s number. Find that liar, Mike Minor. And tell this Botswana I want to talk to her.”
O’Rourke took down the number and hung up. He glanced again at the headline on the World Christian Newspaper website:
New Episco-contemplative leader says Jesus reveals homospirituality as sacred: Our Exclusive as reported by Jenni Bulutlhieize
O’Rourke rubbed his eyes. He walked over to the sofa and sat down. He, finally, began to feel the exhaustion. His last thought was, My father would be out picketing over such a thing.
To be continued….
Episodes of Attack of the Evange-hellicals:
1. How to silence the black Bishop: HERE
2. The Bishop and the televised lie: HERE
3. C.R.O.C.-o-matic: HERE
4. Declaration of Courtesy: HERE
Announcement: Evange-hellicals Anonymous help available: HERE
5. The LORD is a man of war (Exodus 15:3): HERE
Newsbreak: Unhappy Evange-hellicals Anonymous member speaks out: HERE
6. The Fleas and Pets Newsletter: HERE
7. Enough with the propaganda points: HERE
Intermission: Popcorn half price for evangelicals: SNACKS
8. Espresso with the Just Jesus Christian: HERE
9. Nothing he could say: HERE
Advertisement: Universalist “Big Tent” Toy Set For The Kids! HERE
10. Episco-contemplatives: HERE
10.5 Jenni Botswana knows the Lion HERE
11. What is happening HERE
12. Howls and Lamentations HERE
13. Unholy Times and an Unholy People: HERE
14. Jenni Botswana, Early Bird: HERE
15. The evangelist and the rotting fruit: HERE
15.5 Fleas and Heretics HERE
Evange-Smellicals Perfume Commercial: SNIFF
16. Gay Activist and the Puritan Preacher: HERE
17. HELL’S BELLS: HERE
18. Homo-Universalism: HERE
19. Evange-hellicals and People of the Book: HERE
Infomercial: Evange-hellicals Bible sells out first day: HERE
20. Gomer Joe’s Bar: HERE
21. Return of the Anti-Flea Sauce HERE
22. Hanratty praying, the enemy preying: HERE
Announcement: Talking Evange-tellicals in our lobby! HERE
23. “What, you’re a reformed lesbian?” HERE
24. This thing that is upon us: HERE
25. What a beautiful girl: HERE
26. Better to struggle than burn: HERE
27. The Street Preacher HERE
28: Epilogue: Rifles and Parade: HERE
copyright 2010 John Lanagan
(This is a fictitious story, and all characters are fictitious)
