Episode Nineteen: Evange-hellicals and People of the Book
The Evangelist sipped his bourbon, and turned on his television. Even without Mike Minor to oppose him, it was doubtful that Bishop Lionel Daniel’s upcoming appearance on Zack O’Rourke’s popular talk/news show would change anything at all.
The fundamentalists had lost. The battle was over. It was a new day, and a new age. The Evangelist’s organization was now very bold in stating and promoting its positions–positions that would have been incomprehensible to the stodgy, Biblical Christians of a few short years ago.
Immigration, birth control, the sacredness of Creation, all these had been elevated as issues for the evangelical community. Societal understanding of the very nature of God was changing. This was inevitable, a matter of spiritual evolution.
“To you, Master,” saluted the Evangelist, raising his glass. More than ever, the Evangelist felt humbled by the tolerance and diversity of God.
Yet, even as the Evangelist sipped his bourbon, the People of the Book were on their knees. All around the U.S. and Canada the saints interceded on behalf of Bishop Lionel Daniel’s appearance on this unprecendented, live telecast of the Zack O’Rourke show.
In the cramped office of Christian World Newspaper, Jenni Botswana and her editor pleaded with the Lord. Staff members stopped what they were doing and dropped to their knees.
In a tiny basement in Seattle, Washington, Bob Hanratty paced back and forth, stepping over the ninety two copies of his latest Fleas and Pets Newsletter. He had tried, weeks ago, to warn Bishop Daniel about the Declaration of Courtesy.
“Holy are you, O God,” he called out.
Bob Hanratty was a broken down battleship of a man. Every step hurt. His knees were swollen, his shoulders ached, and the pain shot up and down his back with great, electric stabs. Hanratty grimaced as he opened his worn Bible, and read his favorite verse.
“The Lord is a man of war; the Lord is His name.”
Upstairs, Hanratty’s landlord sighed. “Why does he always have to pray out loud like that?” he asked his wife. She shrugged, and turned the television’s volume up to drown out the voice of their tenant. She’d been waiting for this O’Rourke show all week.
In the plush, corporate offices of the Gay Equality Foundation, CEO Calvin Fillertson and thirty staffers were gathered around the 52″ screen. “Why would O’Rourke make such a big deal about this? Why the live telecast?” asked Rayanne Miles, one of four college students who interned at the Gay Equality Foundation.
Fillertson said grimly, “We’ll know as soon as these commercials are over.” Fillertson ignored his growing anxiety. His staff didn’t know that Mike Minor had resigned that morning.
If there was ever a time the savvy, gay activist was needed, it was now. But no one knew where Mike Minor was. The brief call to Fillertson was the only communication from Minor in days.
Over at St. Luke Presbytemplative, forty congregation members watched as Zack O’Rourke appeared behind his large, varnished desk. These same sex couples had gathered to ask the Master, the Cosmic Christ, to silence Bishop Lionel Daniel.
But Zack O’Rourke’s guest had been fasting for a week. He sat quietly, looking directly into the camera, as Zack O’Rourke began to speak.
“Welcome to the first ever live telecast of the Zack O’Rourke show. Folks, you already know what’s going on, because WOLF Television Network has been plugging my show all week. Back again is our guest, Bishop Lionel Daniel. Depending on who you talk to, the Bishop is either a universalist, a Biblical fundamentalist, pro-gay, anti-gay, a liar–or a man who wants to make right a mistake he has made.”
To be continued…
Episodes of Attack of the Evange-hellicals:
1. How to silence the black Bishop: HERE
2. The Bishop and the televised lie: HERE
3. C.R.O.C.-o-matic: HERE
4. Declaration of Courtesy: HERE
Announcement: Evange-hellicals Anonymous help available: HERE
5. The LORD is a man of war (Exodus 15:3): HERE
Newsbreak: Unhappy Evange-hellicals Anonymous member speaks out: HERE
6. The Fleas and Pets Newsletter: HERE
7. Enough with the propaganda points: HERE
Intermission: Popcorn half price for evangelicals: SNACKS
8. Espresso with the Just Jesus Christian: HERE
9. Nothing he could say: HERE
Advertisement: Universalist “Big Tent” Toy Set For The Kids! HERE
10. Episco-contemplatives: HERE
10.5 Jenni Botswana knows the Lion HERE
11. What is happening HERE
12. Howls and Lamentations HERE
13. Unholy Times and an Unholy People: HERE
14. Jenni Botswana, Early Bird: HERE
15. The evangelist and the rotting fruit: HERE
15.5 Fleas and Heretics HERE
Evange-Smellicals Perfume Commercial: SNIFF
16. Gay Activist and the Puritan Preacher: HERE
17. HELL’S BELLS: HERE
18. Homo-Universalism: HERE
19. Evange-hellicals and People of the Book: HERE
Infomercial: Evange-hellicals Bible sells out first day: HERE
20. Gomer Joe’s Bar: HERE
21. Return of the Anti-Flea Sauce HERE
22. Hanratty praying, the enemy preying: HERE
Announcement: Talking Evange-tellicals in our lobby! HERE
23. “What, you’re a reformed lesbian?” HERE
24. This thing that is upon us: HERE
25. What a beautiful girl: HERE
26. Better to struggle than burn: HERE
27. The Street Preacher HERE
28: Epilogue: Rifles and Parade: HERE
copyright 2010 John Lanagan
(This is a work of fiction, and all characters are fictitious)
